Updated: Feb 2
Yes it is true. I am. Saying it out loud was confronting and liberating. I realised this a while ago on my journey within. Did I always know it in my heart of hearts? Yes. Did I want to admit it? Not really.
Do I know why? Yes of course of do, it’s buried deep and I know the underlying reason.
Of course, my subconscious is ALWAYS sending me signs to listen to and giving me clues of ways to tame the emotions. Always. Is it a journey and sometimes a struggle for me? Every day in every way.
But the best part now? I am aware. I am very aware and I am honest. I am Amber, and I am an emotional eater.
Have you ever had a moment when you “black out/zone out” of consciousness but are still doing things. As a master Coach of NLP and Hypnosis I am well aware of what happens when the subconscious mind takes over and does what it always does because it has been trained to. Our subconscious has so much power.
I got thinking about those trance states, and how conscious I was when I made the decision to put the food in my mouth. Reflectively, something would trigger my stress, fight or flight would take control. I would stand up and walk on autopilot to the fridge, not actively aware of what and why I was doing what I was doing. I would look around, ignore the kale and cucumber, find the thing that I knew I loved.
I scoffed, forced it down and then went back to the desk. Feeling like I could take on the world. For a moment, and that was enough in that black out, auto pilot state. The soothing voice inside said “It’s ok you can skip dinner”. I was, I was eating my pain and feelings. Over and over.
Late at night and first thing in the moment the emotional connection to guilt was so overwhelming. I knew, I really did that = during the process of eating, I was not aware of the emotional connection.
I was not allowing myself to be aware.
There was a moment, a shift, a change. One step I decided, just do something for one day. So I did, I decided to spend one, one whole day. Committed to being fully present whenever I put anything in my mouth. FULLY present.
What did that look like?
It looked like me standing in the kitchen, dancing around the room and watering or touching my plants. Less than 3 minutes. I took a breath and made a choice to change my state before I decided to eat. For me, it looked like a dance, physical movement to a tune I loved. I took a breath and made a choice. I looked at the food I was eating with interest, I looked at the cutlery I was using, and I took in at the colours around my location where I ate. EVERYTHING was brighter when I chose to eat and when I chose not to. I was present.
What did that sound like?
“I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” Over and over. I am a trained Ho’oponopono Practitioner - a traditional Hawaiian practice on the art of forgiveness. So I scrubbed. I scrubbed and cleansed the energy before each meal, before each moment I sipped out of my blue water bottle, before each time the coffee touched my lips. The voice, that inner voice was more assertive, more pleased “Nice one, you got this lady, I am so proud of you”. She was in control. She was grateful for the aware decision and success that came from each moment of clarity..
What did that feel like?
It felt hard, at first. It felt uncomfortable. As I had walked many a moment on that well worn path. This path felt strange, riddled with rocks and pebbles that I wanted to take out of my shoes, things getting in the way of the ease that I knew so well. However when I allowed myself to check in before and after each choice yes... yes... yes, it felt good to be in control. I chose to feel grateful for every mouthful, and by cultivating this incredible emotion each time I ate, I was drawn to feeling good became a mode that I wanted to be in more often.
What have I learnt?
That black out state, the well worn path is now lit up, it is bright. It had to be, I didn't want to love in the dark anymore. The awareness now glows, it is shinning with light. Whenever fight or fight is triggered (because that will never stop, the light now shines, the transition to auto pilot is now a manual push of a button.
The commitment to awareness is solid, sound and strong. I am accountable, I am in control when I choose to be and let me tell you, that is a great feeling!
So what next for me? I spent time with hypnosis, meditation, journalling and I welcomed awareness with loving arms. I allowed myself control over the things I could control with my own tools to transform. And most of all I APPRECIATED where I was at. I got myself into a state of gratitude and turned that thankfulness of feeling good into the action of appreciating my journey, and where I am now and choosing to be in the tomorrow now.
When I was read I shared my Letter With The Universe and The Universe responded as it always does. My body relaxed into ease of digestion and my mind shone with commitment.
I am Amber, I am an emotional eater.
Share your own Letter With The Universe - The Universe always listens and responds
Reach out if this resonates and you would like to explore more about walking your spiritual inner path to awareness together.